What is Emotional Resilience?

You might think of emotional resilience as the ability to bounce back after a setback. Or the ability to keep on trying after several failures, refusing to give up.  Or it can mean persevering against adversity, surviving against the odds.

When I think of resilience I think of the plight of refugees who, after escaping from a life-threatening situation, then have to face endless further life threatening situations in order to reach safety. And this is just 1 step in the long journey of rebuilding a life far from home, having lost everything.

But what is that ability to keep struggling on when others may give up? Where does it come from? Why are some more able to bounce back than others?

Emotional Resilience = Life Resources

The more life resources we have or can build up, the more resilient to adversity we can be. Things like

• a supportive family, good friends, even a pet can be invaluable in providing love, care and acceptance and the opportunity to reciprocate – having others who need us.
• Certain character traits – a sense of humour, or a determination can be hugely helpful in times of hardship – keeping spirits up, refusing to be beaten.
• Having a job or being engaged in a course of study provides a structure to the day / week / year,  provides rewards and challenges, offers opportunities to meet and collaborate with others,  provides a degree of self respect and status, etc.
• Having skills – learned skills e.g. driving a car, riding a bike, all kinds of hobbies or innate skills e.g. artistic ability, intelligence, a good singing voice – can be valuable resources that we often take for granted but can allow us opportunities for respite – physically or mentally – from harsh realities.

Unfortunately poverty and inequality puts many groups of people at a disadvantage in terms of life resources – the unemployed or underemployed, people with disabilities or health issues, or have had adverse childhood experiences or abuse, for example. However there is often something that differentiates a survivor from a victim of such circumstances – it may be a kind, loving grandmother, a teacher who took an interest, an encouraging friend, a character trait or skill, etc.

Resilience = Emotional Resources

We also have emotional resources – this is part of our innate guidance system our genetic inheritance. Things like:

• long-term memory – memories of better times, personal achievements, obstacles overcome, fun and laughter and joy.
• The ability to empathise with others and build rapport – vital to forming relationships. We have this ability because we are social animals and survive and thrive best when in connection with others.
• Our emotions and instincts which help keep us safe. Anger and fear alert us to danger and our instincts guide us to survive. How many times have we had a gut feeling that something isn’t right and this has been borne out? We can tune into these neuroceptions of danger and safety and become better able to interpret them with accuracy.
• In times of crisis our strong emotions can get in the way of clear thinking as the neural pathways to the neocortex (our thinking brain) are shut down. Resilience can be about keeping calm enough to think clearly about the situation objectively and take rational action.
•  the ability to stand back from our situation and view ourselves dispassionately and objectively form an objective standpoint. We can do this when we are very calm.
•  imagination – our brains reality simulator – to help us solve problems, visualise different scenarios, think outside the box.
• dreaming. The dreaming phase of our sleep is when the unresolved emotional arousals of the previous day are acted out metaphorically in our dreams. This deactivates the emotional arousal and so protects our mental health. Sleep deprivation is extremely damaging to mental health for this reason and good quality sleep is important for our resilience.

Emotional Resilience = Lessons Learned from the Past

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors!

We don’t develop survival skills when we are never faced with hardships, loss, disruption of plans, failure or criticism. We build our resilience each time we survive a storm.

People who have been very protected through life – never having had to deal with perceived failure or criticism or hardship – have not had the opportunity to learn the skills required for resilience. This is perhaps what is meant by “snowflake” – people unable to tolerate hearing views that are different from their own. We learn how to deal with unfairness, loss, failure, other people’s offensive views, etc., through being exposed to this – not by being protected from it. Life is unfair at times, people can be cruel, bad luck happens and we need to be able to ride the waves.

Consider the resilience of Bangaldeshi communities repeatedly losing homes and livelihoods to floods or cyclones. They begin again each time, in the knowledge that there will be further floods and cyclones which they cannot control.
But with every disaster there would be lessons learned. Building of cyclone shelters, improved early warning notification systems, better education re safety strategies, safeguarding of children and vulnerable adults, planned stockpiling of resources in shelters, organised training of voluntary groups for evacuation, search and rescue, etc.
All of this resonates with the situation today here and how local communities have responded to the disaster of Covd-19.
Despite huge casualities, some have gained, and many, many have devised ways to cope and carry on in the best way they can.

Is there a Limit to Emotional Resilience?

Yes of course. There are times when too many stresses happen too close together to allow us to recover in between. We have all heard of the last straw that broke the camels back. We can all carry so much until the burden is too heavy for us to bear. That collapse will come sooner if the camel is already in a state of stress – 1/2 starved, sick, beaten, thirsty, frightened. In the same way our resilience is compromised when we are already physically or emotionally stressed. so we can build our physical and emotional resilience by a physically healthy lifestyle – diet, excercise, sleep and an emotionally healthy lifestyle – financial security, emotional security, community, friendship, a sense of autonomy, being stretched physically or mentally, a sense of achievement.

It is OK to withdraw, shutdown, collapse, rest at times. Sometimes this is what we need. Just as the body needs to rest after a physical trauma in order to recover, so does our mind need to rest to recover from too much psychological stress or trauma. A break at home, a holiday, time to rest, relax, nourish, and nurture ourselves is OK. employers grant compassionate leave when we are bereaved but it is not only after a bereavement that we need time out to heal.

Boosting our Emotional Resilience

So how can we be more resilient?

1. By looking after our physical and emotional health:  For example, aiming to get enough, balanced sleep, (good sleep hygiene, healthy sleep habits), a healthy diet, regular excercise (preferably outdoors/ in nature), learning ways of dealing with stress, understanding our emotional needs so that we can identify sources of stress in our lives and take action where we can.
2. By appreciating our life resources – for example: a job, qualifications achieved, our home, any supportive family members, friends, pets, positive personal qualities (sense of humour, determination) etc.
3. By using our emotional resources effectively – for example, using our imagination to solve problems, memory to recall what we have learned, rational mind to think clearly and make good decisions, etc.
4. By remembering that we have come through setbacks, adversity and crises in our lives and survived and learned from these experiences.